Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have aggressive nipples.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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