sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
