Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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