I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
