i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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