Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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