You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
