guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
