you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just found a bag of teeth...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
