Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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