yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
