Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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