Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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