i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
