I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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