if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
