By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
