Ambien. No doubt about it.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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