If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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