thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
