You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it's like iHOP with fire
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
