I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
