I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
