You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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