i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
