Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You are a genius and a whore.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
