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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Who is this?

  (407): View more from Florida

  Who do you want it to be?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Sarah Palin

  (407): View more from Florida

  I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde

  Fav 4 2530 876

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.

  Fav 13 3171 1309

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• (516): View more from New York

  All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.

  Fav 8 980 3802

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  please don't let me die tonight

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what have you done for me lately?

  Fav 18 5178 1630

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline

  Fav 6 5821 2348

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• (310): View more from California

  Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.

  Fav 8 2458 1792

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.

  Fav 10 2661 1227

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.

  Fav 15 1244 3209

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina

  Fav 28 1614 2918

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.

  (1-471): View more from

  That's all you talk about when you are wasted.

  Fav 13 2962 1266

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.

  Fav 13 1063 1390

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• (310): View more from California

  He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.

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• (386): View more from Florida

  I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?

  Fav 2 470 858

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?

  Fav 0 11 24

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.

  Fav 0 19 8

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