I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
