I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
