Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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