Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
