so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
