My nipple is on Facebook.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
