And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
