Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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