If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
