I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
