DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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