I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
