then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
