There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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