Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
