I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
