Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
