So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
