glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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