The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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