dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
