dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
