My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
