I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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