don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
