Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
