i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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