if you like me you must not know who I am
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
