All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you guys were way drunker than both of me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
