what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
