some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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